irony pasta machine

prologue

i enjoy cooking in general. but some time ago i got into trying different pasta recipes, specifically. it's not that i don't try other types of recipe, but pasta is always a less uncertain experience. it's hard to under or overcook it, and even then it's usually not unsalvageable, rarely inedible. a lot can be accomplished with few simple ingredients. it can be warm and cozy or it can be a salad. it can be cheap or fancy. bland and safe, or decadent. not only it's reheatable, it's BETTER when reheated [citation needed]. pasta is always there for us. i am here for pasta.

bowtie of despair

ingredients

  • 1 cup bowtie pasta
  • a slice or two of thinly sliced ham, cut into thin ribbons
  • a splash of heavy cream
  • grated parmesan or other hard cheese (optional)

recipe

  • cook the pasta
  • put it in a bowl. throw in everything else. done.

notes

  • i don't like this recipe very much, as it is. my mom used to cook this for me in seventh grade, when i came home for lunch between my morning classes and gym class at 1 PM. none of us were used to this schedule for i used to go to school in the afternoon until then, but we moved to a new city. i hated school, life and gym class. my mom is a really good cook but lunchtime isn't her thing. she poured the splash of cream directly from the tub from the fridge.
  • i would put the cream, ham and cheese in a saucepan for a bit, maybe add some pepper and dried herbs of some sort. wait for it to thicken and finish cooking the pasta in the saucepan with the cream.

spaghetti al limone (from smittenkitchen.com)

recipe here

notes

  • this is super great value in terms of cost/availability of ingredients, ease of preparation, posterior cleanup and quality of end result. it's suprisingly tasty.
  • the technique is a less involved cacio e pepe, however i usually have trouble with the emulsification part. i like being able to combine the sauce before adding the pasta, but in order to have it stick to the pasta i either stir so much that the pasta breaks, or so little that the sauce ends up kind of grainy. to deal with the first problem, i use shorter, sturdier pasta. the second problem doesn't seem so bad honestly? maybe i'm too lazy to care, i think it's just as good.
  • a shit ton of parsley works as well as basil.
  • i usually use more pasta and less grated cheese, but you do you.
  • smittenkitchen is an absolute legend.

spaghetti all'assassina

ingredients

  • 230 g vermicelli or spaghetti
  • 2 cups tomato purée
  • 2 cups water
  • tomato paste
  • oil
  • garlic
  • sugar
  • chili pepper

recipe

original here. i transcribed it so i could have something easier to read from my phone screen while in the kitchen.
  • Prepare a broth with water, 1 1/2 cup purée, and plenty of tomato paste and salt, and bring to a boil. the sauce "must be bright red and tasty, but still a broth."
  • In the iron frying pan, add ½ cup oil, 3 garlic cloves (core removed), and chili pepper to taste. Cook the garlic over a high flame until golden then pour in remaining tomato purée. To temper the acidity from the tomatoes, you can add 1 tsp. sugar.
  • Spread the purée over the whole pan with a wooden spoon and let it reduce slightly. At this point put the uncooked spaghetti in the pan, distributing them in such a way that the pasta collects the sauce.
  • Stir spaghetti as it starts to stick to the bottom of the pan a little, swapping the top layer of noodles for those already glossy from having been stuck to the bottom.
  • At this point add 2 medium-sized ladles of the tomato “broth.” The liquid will sizzle and start to simmer. Let it reduce without turning the spaghetti and "listen" for the boiling point. When you hear it "sizzle" again (the noise changes sharply), keep your distance and wait for the "burning" process to continue (this will take 30 seconds to 1 one minute).
  • Repeat, stirring to remove the burnt spaghetti from the bottom of the pan while adding more tomato liquid. Each addition must correspond to the time needed for it to sizzle and then repeat by soaking the pasta with the sauce. The stiff spaghetti will start to bend, and the whole process takes about 8-9 minutes.

notes

  • this was an absolute failure. the only pan i have that could sort of fit the spaghetti wasn't the right material and everything stuck to it horribly. the pasta never got burny. the tomato flavor was too acidic. i ate it in the following days with regret, thinking about what could have been. i do want to try again some time though.

spaghetti with anchovies (by jacques pépin)

ingredients

  • 500 gr dry spaghetti
  • 60 gr anchovies in oil
  • 3 cloves garlic
  • 1/2 jalapeno pepper
  • 2 tbsp shredded parmesan
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • parsley, chopped

recipe

extremely loosely "transcribed" from this video.

  • cook pasta
  • chop everything and microwave in bowl (except the parsley) for 1 to 1.5 minutes
  • add pasta and 1/2 cup or so of pasta water
  • add fresh parsley

notes

  • this is probably the easiest, least messy recipe i have so far.
  • the video says 350 grams of pasta but i use the whole 500 gram package. i suspect the anchovies might be too strong otherwise.
  • do check the anchovies, i got extremely salty ones one time and they ruined the whole thing.
  • some finely grated lemon peel wouldn't be bad here.

m&m's pasta salad

ingredients

  • 300 gr short pasta, such as fusilli
  • grape/cherry/whatever tomatoes, halved
  • black olives, sliced
  • some sort of mild cheese, cut into tiny cubes. feta wouldn't be bad either
  • green pepper, cut into tiny cubes
  • avocado, cut into bits
  • salt and pepper
  • olive oil
  • lemon juice
  • sriracha

recipe

  • cook pasta and wait for it to cool down. you can rinse it with cold water
  • mix with all the other stuff
  • season as desired and mix until the avocado is coating the pasta
  • store in the fridge. it's better the next day
  • WARNING: if you're not using a lot of lemon juice, the avocado will oxidize quickly. only add it if you're going to eat right away, otherwise save it for the last minute

notes

  • this is great travel food. we've eaten it in many a car and long distance bus.
  • you can add whatever else you want, really. button mushrooms. chicken. arugula. basil. fruit if you're some sort of salad freak.